maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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