I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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