felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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