I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
