Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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