so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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