for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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