I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
