Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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