This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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