i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
