whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
