I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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