There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
