So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
