you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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