kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
