he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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