Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
