Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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