There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
