You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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