super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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