She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
