p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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