She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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