You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
