hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my poor anus
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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