Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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