why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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