I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
