I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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