if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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