I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
