I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Where is the hickey?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
