I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
