so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
