I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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