as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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