woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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