Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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