Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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