I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
