There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
