Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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