we have officially lost it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dear god my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
