I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
