listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
