so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
