Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He better not be in your backpack
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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