just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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