The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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