I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
