Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
