I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
