What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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