can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
