Your dad touched me again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
