You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
