i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
