So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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