i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
