I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
