Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize