just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
