Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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