Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
