I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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