Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found puke in my bra..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
