Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
