i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
