I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
