Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
