Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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