My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize