Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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