What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
