if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
