id be glad to
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The Olympian is in my bed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
