just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
