I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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