I will die if light touches me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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