Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize