i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
