Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
